The Opposite Of Sad Is Down's Syndrome.

Whenever I’m About To Have Sex With A Girl, I Play It Smart And Just Automatically Assume She Has Herpes; Because That Way I Don’t Have To Tell Her About My Herpes.

My Dad Was Amazing. He Raised Five Boys. All By Himself. Without The Rest Of Us Knowing.

I Got Into Comedy Because I Wanted To Get Into Writing.

People Are Surprised That I'm Nice And It Helps Me Out A Little Bit; It's Easy To Be Nice When Everyone Thinks You're Going To Be A Jerk But If People Think You're A Nice Guy Then It's Tough Because It's What They Expect.

Every Year I Volunteer At A Hospital On Thanksgiving, Deep-frying Turkeys In The Children's Burn Unit. I Do It Just To See The Looks On Their Little "faces."