Of All The Ways People Save Time,

Child Molesters Must All Think They've Got Huge Dicks.

Comedy Central Made Me Delete The Boston Marathon Joke. I Wasn't Happy About It But, Despite Popular Belief, I Can Occasionally Be A Team Player.

I've Always Been Fascinated By Dark Subjects, Especially People's Reactions To Them. Why Are People So Uncomfortable Talking About Death If Everyone Dies?

I've Got A Kid In Africa That I Feed, That I Clothe, That I School, That I Inoculate For 75 Cents A Day. Which Is Practically Nothing Compared To What It Cost To Send Him There.

Sure, Retarded Jokes Write Themselves. But The Spelling Is Always Way Off.