Of All The Ways People Save Time,

I Enjoyed Writing For Someone Elses Voice, But I Wasnt Very Good At It.

If I Tell A Joke On Stage And The Crowd Laughs For A Minute, I Stand There For A Minute And Enjoy Them Laughing Before I Go On To The Next Joke. On Tv, If I Stand There For A Minute While They Laugh, I Look Like An Idiot Who Can't Remember The Next Joke.

I Think The Reason I Became Funny Was Because If I Made People Laugh, They Would Let Me Keep Talking.

My Ex-girlfriend Owned A Parakeet…oh My God, That F**king Thing Would Never Shut Up. But The Bird Was Cool.

I'm Very Arrogant And Mean. I'm Almost Like A Bad Guy Professional Wrestler.