The Most Important Thing About Writing A

I Look At Life As Being Cruise Director On The Titanic. I May Not Get There, But I'm Going First Class.

The Reason I Don't Play Golf Is Because I Was A Caddie When I Was 13. Women Never Gave Up A Golf Ball That Was Lost Somewhere In The Trees And Thicket And Down Through The Poison Ivy. It Was During One Of These Searches That I Vowed To The Lord Above That If I Ever Earned Enough Money I Would Never Set Foot On A Course Again.

I'm Working When I'm Fighting With My Wife. I Constantly Ask Myself-how Can I Use This Stuff To Literary Advantage.

People Ask What I Am Really Trying To Do With Humor. The Answer Is, "i'm Getting Even

... I Could Have Said Something Profound, But You Would Have Forgotten It In 15 Minutes - Which Is The Afterlife Of A Graduation Speech.