The Glass Is Always Half Empty. All

I Have No Sex Appeal. If My Husband Didn't Toss And Turn, We'd Never Have Had Any Kids.

Mick Jagger Could French-kiss A Moose. He Has Child-bearing Lips.

I Caused My Husband's Heart Attack. In The Middle Of Lovemaking I Took The Paper Bag Off My Head. He Dropped The Polaroid And Keeled Over And So Did The Hooker. It Would Have Taken Me Half An Hour To Untie Myself And Call The Paramedics, But Fortunately The Great Dane Could Dial.

I Don't Mind Aging, I Just Don't Want To Be A Day Older.

Don't Talk To Me About Gravity. When I Get Out Of Bed In The Morning, I Have To Be Careful Not To Step On My Breasts.