The Garden Of Eden Was A Boggy

I Saw An Advertisement The Other Day For The Secret Of Life. It Said "the Secret Of Life Can Be Yours For Twenty-five Shillings. Sent To Secret Of Life Institute, Willesden." So I Wrote Away, Seemed A Good Bargain, Secret Of Life, Twenty-five Shillings. And I Got A Letter Back Saying, "if You Think You Can Get The Secret Of Life For Twenty-five Shillings, You Don't Deserve To Have It. Send Fifty Shillings For The Secret Of Life."

I've Always Been After The Trappings Of Great Luxury. But All I've Got Hold Of Are The Trappings Of Great Poverty. I've Got Hold Of The Wrong Load Of Trappings, And A Rotten Load They Are Too, Ones I Could Have Very Well Done Without.

I Have Learned From My Mistakes, And I Am Sure I Can Repeat Them Exactly

Playing Rugby At School I Once Fell On A Loose Ball And, Through Ignorance And Fear, Held On Despite A Fierce Pummelling. After That It Took Me Months To Convince My Team-mates I Was A Coward.

We Exchanged Many Frank Words In Our Respective Languages.