The Funniest Thing A Comedian Can Do

Thou Shalt Not Kill Anything Less Than A Fifth.

No Man Is Boss In His Own Home, But He Can Make Up For It, He Thinks, By Making A Dog Play Dead.

I Always Made Up My Own Acts; Built Them Out Of My Knowledge And Observation Of Real Life. I'd Had Wonderful Opportunities To Study People; And Every Time I Went Out On The Stage I Tried To Show The Audience Some Bit Of True Human Nature.

I Have Spent A Lot Of Time Searching Through The Bible For Loopholes.

Thou Shalt Not Steal-only From Other Comedians.