If At First You Don't Succeed, Try,

Alcoholic: Anybody Who Drinks More Than I Do.

I Could Be Stranded In Any Town In The United States With Ten Cents And Within An Hour Make $20 With The Shell Game.

I Think Of The Church Often. Not Because Religion Was Closing In On Me, But Because For A Long Time My Ass Was Sore From That Hard, Unupholstered Pew.

I Like Thieves. Some Of My Best Friends Are Thieves. Why, Just Last Week We Had The President Of The Bank Over For Dinner.

Children Should Neither Be Seen Or Heard From - Ever Again.