The First Thing I'll Do If Elected

Cuban Cigars Is A Big Expense Because I Do Smoke A Lot Of Them, Eight To 12 A Day, So That Would Be Almost As Bad As A Cocaine Habit, A Hundred Bucks A Day.

The Reason Educational Spending In Texas Is So Low Is Because You Don't Have A State Tax There, And That's Why Texas Is Big Growth Because You Don't Tax People To Death.

Friday Night Was The Night Most People Thought They Were Supposed To Have Fun. Trouble Was Most People Didn't Know What Fun Was Or How To Have It, So Things Usually Ended Up Pretty Ugly.

When I'm Governor... I'll Be The First Governor With A Listed Telephone Number.

What Has Six Balls And Screws Texans? The Texas Lottery.