The Best Part About Being My Age

No Matter How Smart You Are, You Spend Much Of Your Day Being An Idiot.

I Was Surprised To Learn That Doing Household Chores Qualifies As Romantic For Most Of You [women]. That's Exactly Why You Should Never Hire A Butler If You Strike It Rich - The Minute That Jeeves Starts Unloading The Dishwasher Without Being Asked, Your Wife Is Going To Start Humping His Leg.

We Know The Goats Are Imported Because They Don't Speak English.

To Err Is Human. To Cover It Up Is Weasel.

The Amount Of Energy Spent Laughing At A Joke Should Be Directly Proportional To The Hierarchical Status Of The Joke Teller.