My Old Life - No Amount Of

For Five Hundred Dollars, I'll Name A Subatomic Particle After You. Some Of My Satisfied Customers Include Arthur C. Quark And George Meson.

If Free Will Exists, Why Do The Tallest Candidates With The Best Hair Usually Win Elections ?

I Get Mail; Therefore I Am.

I Keep Hearing The Argument That Some Things Are Constitutional While Other Things Are Not. The Idea Is That We Should Be In Favor Of All The Things That Were Decided Over 200 Years Ago By A Bunch Of Slave-owning Cross-dressers Who Pooped In Holes.

One Of The Great Things About Being Ignorant Is That I Often Think My Ideas Are Original. It's A Wonderful Feeling. That's Why I Try To Avoid Any Knowledge That Would Spoil The Sensation. Sometimes It Isn't Easy. People Keep Hurling Knowledge At Me, And I Can't Always Duck.