If A Job's Worth Doing, It's Too

For Five Hundred Dollars, I'll Name A Subatomic Particle After You. Some Of My Satisfied Customers Include Arthur C. Quark And George Meson.

Everybody Is Somebody's Else's Weirdo

People Are Idiots. Including Me. Everyone Is An Idiot, Not Just The People With The Low Sat Scores. The Only Difference Is That We're Idiots About Different Things At Different Times. No Matter How Smart You Are, You Spend Much Of Your Day Being An Idiot.

We Know The Goats Are Imported Because They Don't Speak English.

You Probably Think Stephen Hawking Is In That Wheelchair Because Of A Motor Neuron Disease. But If You Got As Much Barely-legal Student Poontang As The Hawkster, You'd Be In A Wheelchair Too.