Taste In Comedy, Like Fashion, Changes All

I Enjoy Having Breakfast In Bed. I Like Waking Up To The Smell Of Bacon, Sue Me. And Since I Don't Have A Butler, I Have To Do It Myself. So, Most Nights Before I Go To Bed, I Will Lay Six Strips Of Bacon Out On My George Foreman Grill. Then I Go To Sleep. When I Wake Up, I Plug In The Grill. I Go Back To Sleep Again. Then I Wake Up To The Smell Of Crackling Bacon. It Is Delicious, It's Good For Me, It's The Perfect Way To Start The Day.

I Was Sort Of Traumatized By Girls In The Third Grade. Because There Was A Girl In My Third Grade Class I Had A Crush On. I Bought Her A Box Of Valentine's Day Chocolate. And I Put It In Her Cubby With A Note That Said Something Like, "i Am Deeply In Love With You, Your Secret Admirer." And I Didn't Sign My Name.

I Was A Bad Dater, And Up Until 8th Grade I Went To An All Boy's School. So, By The Time I Hit High School I Was A Bit Freaked Out By Women In General.

For My Wife And I, The Challenge Is To Not Make Every Day The Best Day Possible Because It's Not Realistic.

I Don't Text, I Don't Have A Blackberry. Literally, I Just Have A Cell Phone That I Haven't Programmed And The Whole Bluetooth. No. I Don't Even Have An Earpiece For My Cell Phone.