Larry King Is So Old, He's Actually

I Want To Get A Tattoo Of The Word Irony, Only Misspelled.

Doctor Just Told Me I Can't Have Kids. I Asked For A Second Opinion. He Said, Why? No One's Gonna To Let You Take Kids From This Hospital.

Yesterday I Accidentally Hit A Little Kid With My Car. It Wasn't Serious — Nobody Saw Me.

I Would Love To Dj The Royal Wedding. Just So I Could Play Candle In The Wind Non-stop.

I Could See Myself Adopting A Kid Someday. But, Obviously, I'd Prefer It To Be Aborted.