Larry King Is So Old, He's Actually

Amy [schumer] And I Each Have Our Cross To Bear When It Comes To Tattoos. Amy And I Are Funny When We Fight. It Just Keeps Escalating Until One Of Us Starts Laughing. Then It's Over. I'm Happy That We're Friends.

When I Was Little, I Would Burn Ants With A Magnifying Glass. But Now That I'm Older, I'm More Of A Cat Guy.

With Comics, You Always Talk About A Big Break, But There Are A Lot Of Big Breaks In Your Life And Not One Of Them Makes A Big Difference.

Every Sunday My Dad Calls To Ask If I Went To Church. And Every Sunday I Lie And Say: Sorry. Wrong Number.

I'm A Realist All The Way. I'm Too Cynical To Be An Optimist. But I've Lived Too Much Of A Charmed Life So Far To Ever Be A Pessimist.