When I Die, I Want To Be

My Ultimate Goal Is To Do Whatever I Want, Whenever I Want To Do It. And That Keeps Changing. I Didn't Want To Host My Own Show Until I Wrote For Someone Else's.

Who Do You Think Was Smarter, Jesus Or Buddha? I Mean, Just In Terms Of Not Letting Themselves Get Crucified.

What Do They Call That Hat Jewish Guys Always Wear? A Yankees Cap.

It Seemed Fun To Play A Villain On Stage And I Wanted My Jokes To Be So Good That I Could Just Calmly Tell Them On Stage.

Whenever I’m About To Have Sex With A Girl, I Play It Smart And Just Automatically Assume She Has Herpes; Because That Way I Don’t Have To Tell Her About My Herpes.