When I Die, I Want To Be

I Do Dark [humor]. I Like People Who Are Silly And Weird And People Who Are Surprising And Good At What They Do.

Doctor Just Told Me I Can't Have Kids. I Asked For A Second Opinion. He Said, Why? No One's Gonna To Let You Take Kids From This Hospital.

I'm Inspired By Making People Laugh At Subjects That Should Make Them Cry.

Jeff Ross Has Been Roasting People Since Whitney Cummings Was Nothing But A Glint In The Eye Of The Man Who Raped Her Mother.

Every Night, My Girlfriend Comes Home From Work, And She Brings With Her A Houseplant. She's Like, 'anthony, I Had To Pick This Up. We Need A Houseplant In Our Apartment.' And Every Night, I Make Her Return It. I Say, 'no Way, Baby. You Can't Take Care Of A Houseplant. You Couldn't Even Keep Your Baby Alive.'