Show Me Somebody Who Is Always Smiling,

Anyone Who Gives A Surgeon Six Thousand Dollars For Breast Augmentation Should Give Some Thought To Investing A Little More In Brain Augmentation.

In Attacking The Young, The Liberal, And The Black, Daley Was In The Mainstream Of America's Mass Prejudices. The Democratic Party May Have Suffered By His Actions, But Daley Came Out...even More Popular Than Before Because Bust Their Heads Was The Mood Of The Land And Daley Had Swung The Biggest Club.

Hating The Yankees Is As American As Pizza Pie, Unwed Mothers, And Cheating On Your Income Tax.

It's No Coincidence That Female Interest In The Sport Of Baseball Has Increased Greatly Since The Ballplayers Swapped Those Wonderful Old-time Baggy Flannel Uniforms For Leotards.

When I Conducted A Beer-rating Session Last Year, I Wrote That Most American Beers Taste As If They Were Brewed Through A Horse. That Offended Many People In The American Beer Industry, As Well As Patriots Who Thought I Was Being Subversive In Praising Foreign Beers. I Have Just Read A Little-known Study Of American Beers. So I Must Apologize To The Horse. At Least With A Horse, We'd Know What We're Getting.