Hollywood Likes To Boast That It Can

A Pessimist Sees The Glass As Half Empty; A Cub Fan Wonders When It's Gonna Spill.

If God Dislikes Gays So Much, How Come He Picked Michelangelo, A Known Homosexual, To Paint The Sistine Chapel Ceiling While Assigning Anita Bryant To Go On Television And Push Orange Juice?

When I Asked Him How Long He Had Been Driving A Taxi, He Said, Dree Mouse.

It's Much Harder To Be A Liberal Than A Conservative. Why? Because It Is Easier To Give Someone The Finger Than A Helping Hand.

Whether One Eats A Cat Or Not Is A Personal Choice, And I Don't Want To Sway Anyone One Way Or Another. But If You Do, There Is One Obvious Cooking Tip: Always Remember To Remove The Bell From The Cat's Collar Before Cooking.