She's So Fat, She's My Two Best

My Body Is Dropping So Fast, My Gynecologist Wears A Hard Hat.

That Baby Is So Ugly... I've Never Seen A Six-month-old So Desperately In Need Of A Wax.

Valentine's Day Is Different For Old People. At This Age I Receive Chocolates In Boxes Shaped Like Artificial Hearts.

I'm A Double Bagger. Not Only Does My Husband Put A Bag Over My Face When We're Making Love, But He Also Puts A Bag Over His Head In Case Mine Falls Off.

Omaha Is A Little Like Newark, Without Newark's Glamour.