She's So Fat, She's My Two Best

I Am Furious About Everything.

To The Pessimist The Light At The End Of The Tunnel Is Another Train.

No More Botox For Me. Betty White's Bowels Move More Than My Face.

The Fun Of Working On The Road Means Stealing From Hotels. I've Been Doing It For So Long, I Have A Set Of Towels From The Ark.

[on Plastic Surgery:] My Motto Is: 'anything That Can Be Lifted Should Be Lifted. Anything That Falls Should Be Caught. And Try To Catch Any Falling Stuff Before It Hits The Ground.