She Was So Fat That Her Bikini

My Mother Had Morning Sickness After I Was Born.

My Life Is Nothing But Pressure. All Pressure. This Pressure Is Like A Heaviness. It's Always On Top Of Me, This Heaviness. It's Always There Since I'm A Kid. Other People Wake Up In The Morning, 'a New Day! Ah, Up And At 'em!' I Wake Up, The Heaviness Is Waiting For Me Nice. Sometimes I Even Talk To It. I Say [adopts Cheerful Voice] 'hi, Heaviness!' And The Heaviness Looks Back At Me, [in An Ominous Growl] 'today You're Gonna Get It Good. You'll Be Drinking Early Today.'

One Year They Asked Me To Be Poster Boy - For Birth Control.

I Told My Dentist My Teeth Are Going Yellow. He Told Me To Wear A Brown Tie.

Man, Who Don't Like Spaghetti?