I Told My Doctor, "i've Swallowed A

When I Was A Kid I Got No Respect. My Mother Breast Fed Me Through A Straw.

After I Got Divorced, I Said To Myself, I Will Never, Ever Get Married Again. It Was In Cement. I Went Through A Really Rough Twenty-five Years, But It Happened Again. I Fell In Love. I Told Her, Baby, I Don't Want A Prenuptial Agreement. This Is It. Everyone Told Me I Was Nuts. Well, My New Wife And I Are Married Six Years And We Get Along Great. You Can Make Anything Work If You're Both Givers.

When I Was A Kid, I Never Went To Disneyland. My Ol' Man Told Me Mickey Mouse Died In A Cancer Experiment.

What A Childhood I Had, Why, When I Took My First Step, My Old Man Tripped Me!

My Wife Made Me Join A Bridge Club... I Jump Off Next Tuesday.