She Was Nice To Him On Valentine's

I Like To Think Of Myself As The Middleman Between Fred Allen And Henny Youngman.

Poverty Is Not A Disgrace, But It's Terribly Inconvenient.

The Problem With Life Is, By The Time You Can Read Women Like A Book, Your Library Card Has Expired.

I Bought An Ideal Gift For My Mother-in-law - A Battery-operated Mouth.

I'd Rather Be A Could-be If I Cannot Be An Are; Because A Could-be Is A Maybe Who Is Reaching For A Star. I'd Rather Be A Has-been Than A Might-have-been, By Far; For A Might Have-been Has Never Been, But A Has Was Once An Are.