Recipe For A Happy Marriage: My Wife

I'd Have Avoided Some Of The Pain If I Could. Anyone Would. But I Wouldn't Have Missed Knowing Any Of The People-even The Ones Whose Leaving Hurt Most. In Fact, The Only Thing I'm Sorry About Is That I Didn't Meet One Particular Guy, A Clown Named Joe Skelton. You Know, He Sure Picked The Right Profession. I Mean, A Clown's Got It All. He Never Has To Hold Back: He Can Do As He Pleases. The Mouth And The Eyes Are Painted On. So If You Wanta Cry, You Can Go Right Ahead. The Make Up Won't Smear. You'll Still Be Smiling. . . .

Exercise? I Get It On The Golf Course. When I See My Friends Collapse, I Run For The Paramedics.

Live By This Credo: Have A Little Laugh At Life And Look Around You For Happiness Instead Of Sadness. Laughter Has Always Brought Me Out Of Unhappy Situations.

I Consider The Television Set As The American Fireplace, Around Which The Whole Family Will Gather.

Imitation Isn't The Sincerest Form Of Flattery - It's Plagiarism.