I Have The Gift Of Laughter. I

Ya Know, If You Treat Every Comic The Way You Treated Me Tonight, You Would Never See A Bad Show.

When I Do An Hour-and-a-half Show, If I Don't Improvise 20 Minutes Worth Of New Material Each Night, I Feel I've Let Myself Down.

Ninety-nine Percent Is In The Delivery. If You Have The Right Voice And The Right Delivery, You're Cocky Enough, And You Pound Down On The Punch Line, You Can Say Anything And Make People Laugh Maybe Three Times Before They Realize You're Not Telling Jokes.

Don't Carry A Grudge. While You're Carrying The Grudge, The Other Guys's Out There Dancing.

Golf Is More Fun Than Walking Naked In A Strange Place, But Not Much.