Nowadays You Can't Even Spank Your Kids.

Women In Bed Are Like Diesel Engines. What I Mean By That Is, It May Take Them A While To Get Going, But When You Do, They Can Go For A Long, Long Time. Whereas Men Are Like... Bottle Rockets.

You Might Be A Redneck If An Episode Of Walker, Texas Ranger Changed Your Life.

My Wife Is So Analytical With Raising Kids, And I Am Not. My Feeling Is If They Turn Out Good, Then That Means I Was A Good Daddy And Put A Lot Of Effort Into It. If They Turn Out Bad, It Means They Took After Her Side Of The Family.

You Might Be A Redneck If Your Favorite Hunting Dog Has A Bigger Tombstone Than Your Grandfather.

Because Criminals Know That When They See A House With 2 Foot Tall Grass, A Dog On A Chain, And An Engine Hanging From A Tree, A Gun Lives In That House. And If You Want To Know What Kind, Just Break In At 2 In The Morning.