Nobody Really Wants To Be A Stand-up,

We Were So Poor My Daddy Unplugged The Clocks When We Went To Bed.

Stand-up Is The Only Career Like That Where Once You Get Really Big At It, People Kind Of Encourage You Not To Do It.

There Are Only Three Things Women Need In Life: Food, Water, And Compliments.

My Goal In Life Was To Host The Mtv Awards, Because It's The Awards Show That Prince Sang On, And That Was The Awards Show That Eddie Murphy Hosted And Arsenio Hosted.

Anyone Who Makes Up Their Mind About An Issue Before They Hear The Issue Is A Fool.