Nobody Really Wants To Be A Stand-up,

One Of My Daughters Told Me The Other Day, "kevin Hart Is Funnier Than You, Daddy." I Told Her, "does Kevin Hart Make You Pancakes?"

I Am Just Here To Support The President Of The United States. President Of The United States Is Our Boss, But He Is Also... You Know, The President And The First Lady Are Kinda Like The Mom And The Dad Of The Country. And When Your Dad Says Something You Listen, And When You Don't It Will Usually Bite You On The Ass Later On. So, I'm Here To Support The President.

I Never Really Write The Jokes. I Just Sit Down Over A Week Or Two And Try To Figure Out What I Want To Talk About. Once I Narrow That Down, Then I Start Working On The Material, Like "how Do I Make This Stuff Funny?"

We Treat Racism In This Country Like It's A Style That America Went Through. Like Flared Legs And Lava Lamps. Oh, That Crazy Thing We Did. We Were Hanging Black People. We Treat It Like A Fad Instead Of A Disease That Eradicates Millions Of People. You've Got To Get It At A Lab, And Study It, And See Its Origins, And See What It's Immune To And What Breaks It Down.

You Know Those Guys That Go To The Strip Club At The Daytime? If You're At A Strip Club, And The Sun Is Out, You Got Some Problems!