Comedians Are The One Who Have To

When You Become A Comedian A Lot Of Stuff That Made You Laugh Before Just Stops. You Stop Watching Your Old Cartoons You Used To Watch. You Stop Reading The Funnies. It's Like Working At A Strip Club. You Don't Come Home And Turn On The Playboy Channel.

Money Is The Best Lotion In The World.

If Poor People Knew How Rich Rich People Are, There Would Be Riots In The Streets.

People Want What They Want. And I Guess That Is A Reason We Have This Big Credit Card Problem And A Lot Of These Foreclosures.

The Thing I Try To Get Across To The Writers - And I Do A Lot Of Writing, Too - Is That When I Do Stand-up, Nothing I Talk About Is Funny. Everything Is Really Sad And Tragic And Then I Make It Funny.