Carol Leifer Is Funny, Really Funny.

I've Told Michael Jackson Jokes. If You Got Really Technical, You Could Say Those Are Jokes About Child Molestation. You Could, If You Got Technical. A Lot Of This Is Just Selective Outrage Because Honestly, The Audience Are The Ones That Tell Us That Something Shouldn't Be Spoken. The Audience Lets Us Know. And I've Never, In My Almost 30 Years Of Being A Comedian, Seen A Comedian Continue To Tell A Joke That The Audience Doesn't Respond To. I've Never Seen It.

Emotional Affairs, Those Are The Only Real Affairs; Those Are The Real Ones.

The Democrats Should Have An Empty Chair On Stage For The Entire Dnc, And When Anyone Asks Who It Belongs To, They Can Say Osama Bin Laden.

Right Now, My Job Is That I'm Like An Ambulance Chaser. I've Got To Look For Movies With White Guys Falling Out Of Them.

I Never Wanted To Churn It Out. Comedians Tend To Work All The Time. They Never Put It Down Like Musicians Who Might Make An Album Then Take Three Or Four Years Off To Recharge Their Batteries. Comedians Tend To Work Straight Through And They Get Stale Because Of That. Even When I Didn't Have A Lot Of Money I Never Ever Did It Unless I Had Something New To Say.