No Matter What Time Your Guests Arrive,

I Don't Know How You Feel About Old Age... But In My Case I Didn't Even See It Coming. It Hit Me From The Rear.

To Get A Roaster Clean, Send Something Like Baked Apples In It To A Neighbor. Neighbors Always Return Pans Spotless, And You Won't Have To Use A Blow Torch On It Like You Usually Do.

Keep At Least One Window Pane Clean To Check The Weather. Once When I Didn't Do This I Sent The Kids Off With Umbrellas For Six Weeks Straight.

Nothing Was Happening In The Bedroom. I Nicknamed Our Waterbed The Dead Sea.

I Never Made `who's Who,' But I'm Featured In `what's That?'