No, Groucho Is Not My Real Name.

Comedians Are A Much Rarer And Far More Valuable Commodity Than All The Gold And Precious Stones In The World.

And Stop Pointing That Beard At Me, It Might Go Off!

The Trouble With Writing A Book About Yourself Is That You Can’t Fool Around. If You Write About Someone Else, You Can Stretch The Truth From Here To Finland. If You Write About Yourself The Slightest Deviation Makes You Realize Instantly That There May Be Honor Among Thieves, But You Are Just A Dirty Liar.

If You Are Not Having Fun You Are Doing Something Wrong.

You've Forgotten Those June Nights At The Riviera...the Night I Drank Champagne From Your Slipper - Two Quarts. It Would Have Been More But You Were Wearing Inner Soles.