Nice To Be Here? At My Age

I Use The Cigar For Timing Purposes. If I Tell A Joke, I Smoke As Long As They Laugh And When They Stop Laughing I Take The Cigar Out Of My Mouth And Start My Next Joke.

I Don't Believe In Dying. It's Been Done. I'm Working On A New Exit. Besides, I Can't Die Now - I'm Booked.

I'd Rather Be Over The Hill Than Under It.

Happiness Is A Dry Martini And A Good Woman ... Or A Bad Woman.

Too Bad That All The People Who Know How To Run The Country Are Busy Driving Taxicabs And Cutting Hair.