My Wife's So Dumb, She Got A

When I Got Back Into Show Business In 1961, I Felt - For Obvious Reasons - That Nothing In My Life Went Right, And I Realized That Millions Of People Felt The Same Way. So When I First Came Back My Catch Phrase Was "nothing Goes Right." Early On, That Was My Setup For A Lot Of Jokes.

I Drink Too Much, Way Too Much; My Doctor Drew Blood He Ran A Tab!

My Only Thrill Is Self Inflicted Hickies.

When I Was A Kid, I Never Went To Disneyland. My Ol' Man Told Me Mickey Mouse Died In A Cancer Experiment.

In The School I Went To, They Asked A Kid To Prove The Law Of Gravity And He Threw The Teacher Out Of The Window.