My Wife Wants Sex In The Back

I'm A Downer. I've Been Depressed My Whole Life. Figure It Out.

When I Was 3 Years Old, My Parents Got A Dog. I Was Jealous Of The Dog, So They Got Rid Of Me.

When My Parents Got Divorced, There Was A Custody Fight Over Me. ... And No One Showed Up.

I Asked My Wife, 'on A Scale Of 1 To 10, How Do You Rate Me As A Lover?' She Said, 'you Know I'm No Good At Fractions.'

I Started Over Again With An Image: Nothing Goes Right. Then When The Godfather Came Out, All I Heard Was, Show Respect. With Me, You Show Respect. So I Changed The Image To I Don't Get No Respect. I Tried It Out In Greenwich Village. I Remember The First Joke I Told: Even As A Kid, I'd Play Hide And Seek And The Other Kids Wouldn't Even Look For Me. The People Laughed. After The Show, They Started Saying To Me, Me, Too - I Don't Get No Respect. I Figured, Let's Try It Again.