My Wife Has Teeth Like The Stars...

I Feel Sorry For Short People, You Know. When It Rains, They're The Last To Know.

You Know You're Ugly When You Go To The Proctologist And He Sticks His Finger In Your Mouth.

I Drink Too Much, Way Too Much; My Doctor Drew Blood He Ran A Tab!

When I Was Born I Was So Ugly The Doctor Slapped My Mother.

My Wife Is So Fat That The Last Time I Saw Something That Big It Was Grazing.