My Wife Calls Our Waterbed The Dead

They've Got Plastic Christmas Trees Now. They're Hard To Tell From The Real Aluminum Ones.

This Is How It Is Today: The Teachers Are Afraid Of The Principals. The Principals Are Afraid Of The Superintendents. The Superintendents Are Afraid Of The Board Of Education. The Board Is Afraid Of The Parents. The Parents Are Afraid Of The Children. The Children Are Afraid Of Nothing!

This Man's Wife Told Him, "for Christmas, Surprise Me." On Christmas Eve He Leaned Over Where She Was Sleeping And Said, "boo!"

At Eighty-two, I Feel Like A Twenty-year-old, But, Unfortunately, There's Never One Around.

Your Marriage Is In Trouble If Your Wife Says, 'you're Only Interested In One Thing,' And You Can't Remember What It Is.