My Sex Life Has Gone From Bad

What We Do Is A Calling...we Make People Happy.

I Love Israel For Its Blue And White Flag As It Matches My Legs.

Because I'm The Only Performer Who Comes Out And Says I've Had Plastic Surgery, I've Become The Plastic Surgery Poster Girl, Which Is Hilarious, Because Everybody Has Done It And They All Deny It. They Stand There, Like The Bride Of Frankenstein, They've All Got Stitches, And They All Say, 'i've Done Nothing.' I Talk About It.

You're College Graduates Now, So Use Your Education. Remember: It's Not Who You Know, It's Whom.

Comedy Exists To Laugh At Things That Aren't Laughable. But Isn't It? That's What Separates Us From The Animals. We Laugh.