My Only Thrill Is Self Inflicted Hickies.

Dad Told Me To Stop Running In Circles, I Couldn't, So He Nailed Down My Other Foot!

Everyone Gets Their Rough Day. No One Gets A Free Ride. Today So Far, I Had A Good Day. I Got A Dial Tone.

When I Was A Kid I Got No Respect. When I Went On The Roller Coaster, My Old Man Told Me To Stand Up Straight.

Last Week I Was Walking By A Cemetery, Two Guys Came After Me With Shovels. It Was All About Money.

I Told My Wife The Truth. I Told Her I Was Seeing A Psychiatrist. Then She Told Me The Truth: That She Was Seeing A Psychiatrist, Two Plumbers, And A Bartender.