My Only Thrill Is Self Inflicted Hickies.

Look Out For Number One And Try Not To Step In Number Two.

My Psychiatrist Told Me I Was Crazy And I Said I Want A Second Opinion. He Said Okay, You're Ugly Too.

One Day As I Came Home Early, I Saw A Man Jogging Naked. I Said To The Guy, 'hey, Buddy, Why Are You Doing That?' He Said, 'because You Came Home Early.'

I Went To A Gay Bar, They Wanted Proof Of Sex So I Showed Them, They Said It Wasn't Enough.

My Son's An Idiot. He Sprained His Ankle Playing Golf. He Fell Off The Ballwasher.