My Mother Told Me 'man On Top,

Every Comedian Is Furious. Age Makes Me Angry. I'm Unhappy At Not Being Able To Open Packages Anymore. I'm Angry That Libraries Have Gone. I Hate Children On Planes. I'm Very Shallow, So They Tend To Be Little Things. To Be Honest, I Think I Was Probably Angry The Day I Was Born, You Know, About Diapers Or Something.

Old Age' Is Always Ten Years More Than We Are.

People Are Arguing Whether Mel Gibson's "passion Of The Christ" Is Anti-semitic. Well, Whether It Is Or It Isn't, It Doesn't Matter, Because I've Been In Touch With His Accounting Firm, Rosencrantz, Levy And Stern, And They're Screwing Him Out Of His Profits.

Tonight I'll Be Interviewing Ken Watanabe, Keisha Castle Hughes, Benecio Del Toro And Djimon Honsou - And Yes, Those Are Actors, Not Caterers.

I Was Dating A Transvestite, And My Mother Said, "marry Him, You'll Double Your Wardrobe."