I Am A Dyke! And I'm Damn

No Man Will Ever Put His Hand Up Your Dress Looking For A Library Card.

My Body Is Dropping So Fast, My Gynecologist Wears A Hard Hat.

There Is Not One Female Comic Who Was Beautiful As A Little Girl.

When You're First-generation Money, You Want To Say, "i Got A Mercedes And A Rolls And A Lamborghini. Take A Look." When You're Second-generation Money, You're Very Quiet Behind Your Country Club Doors. I Think That's Why People Are Much More Aware. It's The First-generation Wives That Have The Huge Rings And The Second-generation Says, "everyone Be Quiet As We Get On Our Yacht Or Our Private Plane."

I Have No Sex Appeal, Which Kills Me. The Only Way I Can Ever Hear Heavy Breathing From My Husband's Side Of The Bed Is When He's Having An Asthma Attack.