I Once Dated A Guy So Dumb

Every Comedian Is Furious. Age Makes Me Angry. I'm Unhappy At Not Being Able To Open Packages Anymore. I'm Angry That Libraries Have Gone. I Hate Children On Planes. I'm Very Shallow, So They Tend To Be Little Things. To Be Honest, I Think I Was Probably Angry The Day I Was Born, You Know, About Diapers Or Something.

Forty For You, Sixty For Me. And Equal Partners We Will Be.

Comediennes Are The Lucky Ones, Because If You're Funny, You Can Be 125 Years Old And They Will Still Accept You.

Life Goes By Fast. Enjoy It...everyone Gets So Upset About The Wrong Things.

Don't Tell Your Kids You Had An Easy Birth Or They Won't Respect You. For Years I Used To Wake Up My Daughter And Say, 'melissa You Ripped Me To Shreds. Now Go Back To Sleep.'.