I Once Dated A Guy So Dumb

You Don’t Marry For Love. What Does Love Got To Do With Marriage? I Spit On Love And Marriage. You Marry For Money.

Having My Daughter, I Screamed For Twenty-three Hours Straight. And That Was Just During Conception.

Life Is Hard. And We Better Laugh At Everything, Otherwise We're Going Down The Tube.

Whatever You Do To Recover From A Loss, People Will Be Critical Because They Believe That The Only Way To Recover Is Their Way. And You Will Even Run Into Some People Who Should Be Run Into By Rhinos Because They Actually Don't Want To See You Get Over Your Tragedy At All; Grief Is A Spectator Sport For Them.

No More Botox For Me. Betty White's Bowels Move More Than My Face.