My Mom Told Me She Thinks A

Found A Bunch Of Old Shower Caps In My House. Was Gonna Throw Them Out But Realized They Make Excellent Porta Potties For Long Road Trips.

If You Don't Wake Up Every Day Happy, Change Something.

I Was Going To Do A Big Radio Show, And I Said To My Driver, 'radio Can Wait, Take Me To The Full House House.' It Literally Was A Drive-by. I Photobombed The Full House House Yesterday. I Took Like 20 Pictures Because I Thought I Didn't Look Good In Any Of These - You Can't See The House! You Gotta Really Show That That's The House!

Saw A Man In Whole Foods Yelling At His Son, What Are You Doing?! You Know I Don't Eat Bread!! Is There Such A Thing As Health Food Abuse?

I Think When You Dissect A Joke Too Much, You Have Ruined Whatever There Is In Comedy.