A Lot Of The Comedians Don't Even

I Like To Approach Every Day Like It's My First, So This Morning When I Woke Up I Covered My Body With Red Gelatin.

Most People Argue Over Who's Right, Not About What The Truth Is.

I'm Fortunate To Know A Lot Of Incredibly Talented People, And They All Want To Be A Penguin.

I Love Watching People Get Hit In The Crotch. But Only If They Get Back Up. If Their Teeth Are Bleeding, If They're Really Hurt, If An Ambulance Has To Come, I'm Not Laughing.

My Mom Just Told Me It's Impossible To Know What's Going To Happen In Life. Except With Breakfast, Cause She Eats The Same Thing Every Day.