My Irish Mate Told Me, If You

My Uncle Jimmy Took Liver Salts Twice A Day For 40 Years. He Died On Sunday, Was Buried Wednesday And The Following Friday They Had To Go To The Cemetery To Beat His Liver To Death With A Stick.

I'm Staying In A Lovely Hotel, Dressing Robe Behind The Door, Lovely Fluffy Sheets - Took Me A Half An Hour Getting My Suitcase Closed.

I Was In The Far East And I Went Into A Restaurant And I Ordered Octopus And The Waiter Said: "it Takes Four Hours." I Asked Why And He Said: "it Keeps Turning Off The Gas."

I Come From A Family Of Musicians. Even The Sewing Machine Is A Singer.

A Man Says To His Mate: "my Wife Is A Twin." His Mate Says, "how Do You Tell Them Apart?" The Man Says: "her Brother Has A Beard."