So I Rang Up British Telecom, I

A Man Walks Into A Pet Shop And Says: "give Me A Wasp." The Shopkeeper Replies: "we Don't Sell Wasps." He Says: "there's One In The Window."

There Were Two Irishmen Eating Sandwiches In A Pub And The Landlord Said: "you Can't Eat Your Own Food In Here." So They Swapped Sandwiches.

My Uncle Jimmy Took Liver Salts Twice A Day For 40 Years. He Died On Sunday, Was Buried Wednesday And The Following Friday They Had To Go To The Cemetery To Beat His Liver To Death With A Stick.

A Man Says To His Mate: "my Wife Is A Twin." His Mate Says, "how Do You Tell Them Apart?" The Man Says: "her Brother Has A Beard."

A Man Turns To The Guy Next To Him Who's Covered In Bandages From Head To Toe And Asks "what Happened?". "i Fell Through A Glass Window," Explains The Man. The First Man Says: "lucky You Were Wearing All Those Bandages."