I Gave My Wife A Kiss This

It's Never Occurred To Me To Worry About My Health, Or That I'll Get Old, Or That People Will Stop Laughing At Me.

There Were Two Irishmen Eating Sandwiches In A Pub And The Landlord Said: "you Can't Eat Your Own Food In Here." So They Swapped Sandwiches.

I Have A Pacemaker In, But It Doesn't Work Very Well, Because Every Time I Fart The Garage Door Opens.

A Girl Asks Her Doctor, "doctor, I've Forgotten To Take My Contradictory Pill!" The Doctor Says: "are You Ignorant?" The Girl Says: "yes, Three Months!"

A Man Goes Into Boots And Says: "have You Got Any Viagra?" "do You Have A Prescription?" Asks The Chemist. "no," He Replies, "but 'i've Got A Photograph Of The Wife."