My Dog Learned How To Beg By

I Met The Surgeon General - He Offered Me A Cigarette.

I Could Tell My Parents Hated Me. My Bath Toys Were A Toaster And A Radio.

I Feel Sorry For Short People, You Know. When It Rains, They're The Last To Know.

I'm Getting So Old My Insurance Company Sends Me 1/2 A Calendar!

I Came From A Real Tough Neighborhood. I Put My Hand In Some Cement And Felt Another Hand.