If It Wasn't For Pick-pockets I'd Have

When I Was A Kid I Got No Respect. My Mother Breast Fed Me Through A Straw.

I Was So Ugly My Parents Had To Hang A Pork Chop Around My Neck To Get The Dog To Play With Me.

He Who Laughs Last Didn't Get It In The First Place.

If I Could Have Dinner With Anyone Who Lived In History, It Would Depend On The Restaurant.

I Walked In On My Wife And The Milkman, The First Thing She Says Is "don't Tell The Butcher"!