If It Wasn't For Pick-pockets I'd Have

She Was So Fat That Her Bathtub Has Stretch Marks.

I Have Good Looking Kids. Thank Goodness My Wife Cheats On Me.

I Was Making Love To This Girl And She Started Crying. I Said, "are You Going To Hate Yourself In The Morning?" She Said, "no, I Hate Myself Now."

I Knew A Girl So Ugly, They Use Her In Prisons To Cure Sex Offenders.

With My Wife I Get No Respect. I Fell Asleep With A Cigarette In My Hand. She Lit It.