I Knew A Girl So Ugly, They

What A Doctor I've Got - He's Really Mixed Up. Last Week, He Grabbed My Knee And Told Me To Cough. Then Hit Me In The Balls With A Hammer.

I Once Met A Beautiful, Proper English Girl. I Bid Her Adieu.... She Bid Me A Don't.

When I Was A Kid I Got No Respect. My Mother Breast Fed Me Through A Straw.

My Wife Isn't Very Bright. The Other Day She Was At The Store, And Just As She Was Heading For Our Car, Someone Stole It! I Said, "did You See The Guy That Did It?" She Said, "no, But I Got The License Plate."

My Old Man Never Liked Me. He Gave Me My Allowance In Traveler's Checks.