My Day Jobs... I Knew I Was

The More Discovery Channel You Watch, The Less Chance You Have Of Ever Meeting A Woman. Because It Fills Your Head With Odd Facts That Can Come Out At Any Moment. "hello. Did You Know Hitler Was Ticklish? That Sea Otters Have Four Nipples? Wait - Don't Run Away!"

Here's A Tip: Never Get Drunk While Wearing A Hooded Sweatshirt. You Will Eventually Think There's Someone Right Behind You.

I Used To Do Drugs, But That Was Way Back There.

Everyone Was Laughin'. Even That Deaf Mute Boy Was Breathing Heavy And Pointing At Me. Which Is Laughter To Their Kind.

So, I Travel A Lot. I Hate Traveling, Mostly 'cause My Dad Used To Beat Me With A Globe.