I'm Not Really A Music Guy.

Men Are Having Sex With Animals And We Wonder Why The Animals Attack Us. And I'll Tell You Why: It's Cuz Of That One Sick Man, And It's Up To Me And A Half-mexican To Stop Him.

I Don't Mind A Crowd's Not Laughing; It's The Groans That Slow Down The Show.

I Watch The Discovery Channel, And You Know What I've Discovered? I Need A Girlfriend.

I've Never Had A Surprise Birthday Party. I've Had Every Other Type Of Surprise. I've Had Surprise Beatings, Surprise Drug Tests, Surprise Daughter I Think.

I'm A Joke Comic. I Tell Jokes. I Like Writing A Joke, And I Like When A Joke Works, And I Like Other Comics Who Tell Jokes.