Multi-tasking Is The Ability To Screw Everything

The Fact Is That Britain Is The Most Warlike Nation On Earth. In The History Of Armed Combat, We Are The Only Democracy To Have Declared War On Another Democracy - England Versus Finland In The Second World War, In Case You're Interested - And We're Always At The Front Of The Queue When Johnny Foreigner Gets A Bit Uppity. Who Stood Up To The Kaiser? Who Stood Up To Adolf? And Let's Not Forget The Argies. What Other Country Would Have Sent Its Fleet Halfway Round The World And Lost 250 Men To Protect A Flock Of Sheep And Some Oil That Might Or Might Not Be There? We're Still At It.

The Problem Is That Television Executives Have Got It Into Their Heads That If One Presenter On A Show Is A Blonde-haired, Blue-eyed Heterosexual Boy, The Other Must Be A Black Muslim Lesbian.

If A Football Official Were To Call For A Slow-motion Replay Every Time Didier Drogba Fell Over, Each Match Would Last About Six Weeks.

We All Know That Small Cars Are Good For Us. But So Is Cod Liver Oil. And Jogging.

I Dish The Dirt Out And I Can Take It. But Why Should My Mother And Children Have To Take It?