Man Went Into A Bar, He Only

He Said 'i'm Going To Chop Off The Bottom Of One Of Your Trouser Legs And Put It In A Library. I Thought, "that's A Turn-up For The Books".

I Went Into A Butchers And I Said, 'i'll Have A Pound Of Sausages. 'he Said, 'i'm Very Sorry, Sir, We Only Serve Kilos In Here. 'i Said, 'okay Then I'll Have A Pound Of Kilos.'

I Backed Horse Last Week At Ten To One. It Came In At Quarter Past Four.

My Wife Had A Go At Me Last Night. She Said, Youll Drive Me To My Grave. I Had The Car Out In Thirty Seconds.

Our Ice Cream Man Was Found Lying On The Floor Of His Van Covered With Hundreds And Thousands. Police Say That He Topped Himself.